Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i have two assholes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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