Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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