You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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