dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
