It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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