So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
