She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The air taste purple.
Randomize