Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You pole danced in your parka.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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