put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
