omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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