Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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