i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize