What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
