Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
