so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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