you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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