Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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