Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
