i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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