Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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