filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize