So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
