So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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