i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
tell me about the fingering
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