Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
