i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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