her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
