he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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