9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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