when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
