For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
