i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
