Someone shit on the floor
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
