i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
