If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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