Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
