so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
