So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
