I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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