He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
