apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
