Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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