Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
