smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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