Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I am morally bankrupt
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
