No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
