I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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