please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
