I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
