Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
