I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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