Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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