normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize