Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
