I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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