i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she peed on how many people?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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