Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
