I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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