so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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