I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
