Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
