My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
