The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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