Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
