I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
