For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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