Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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